Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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