the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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