is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
