smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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