when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
