You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize