Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
