Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
