so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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