Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
