Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
