we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
