Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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