I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
