If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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