4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
