dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
