Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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