billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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