my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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