Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I AM VODKA MAN
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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