If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im holly from the hills drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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