Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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