he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
