The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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