You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am available for nakedness
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
