I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize