i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
