you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
