I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
