no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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