Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
