anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
