Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
