We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
