I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think my vagina is haunted
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
