after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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