Even the bartender felt bad for me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
