Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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