Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
