I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
