I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
