I'm eating all of the evidence.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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