Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
