She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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