Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
