dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
