So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
