nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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