Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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