it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
