Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
