I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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