she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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