Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
