I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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