Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
