thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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