you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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