i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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