my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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