i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
