my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
