Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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