yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize