So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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