Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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