So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
