my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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