dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
