Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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