Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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