Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
