don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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