i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
