my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize