Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
50% drunk capacity currently
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
