that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
