While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize