I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
