Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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