I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
