I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
