i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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