pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize