I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
