Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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