I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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