we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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