He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
