The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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