My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
