i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would fuck him just for his dog
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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